Making Peace With Our Judgment – Part 2
The last blog looked at how our discernment is fact-based and objective, while our judgment is emotionally charged and formed by negative narratives. Further, we believe our thoughts and identify with them. Once this occurs, we begin to spiral. For example, if someone passes you by without greeting you, discernment notices they might be distracted, whereas judgment asks, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why did they snub me?” This clear distinction points out the main argument.
These differences of discernment vs judgment show up throughout life. Discernment spots possible reasons behind actions; judgment labels negatively. At work, if a colleague misses a project, discernment notes, “They may be overloaded.” Judgment says, “They are lazy or irresponsible.” In family scenarios, if someone forgets your birthday, discernment says, “They may be busy.” Judgment says, “They don’t care about me.” For self-judgment, the contrast: “I made an error on this report” (discernment) vs. “I’m a failure at my job” (judgment). By noticing emotion and story, you can spot when you move from facts to harsh interpretations.
Imagine you get feedback at work. Discernment notices useful points without taking them personally. Judgment might say, “I’m not good enough.” If a friend cancels plans, discernment considers they’re busy; judgment feels ignored. Our emotions complicate this, so it’s useful to check biases and emotional roots.
Judgment comes from negativity bias—a brain process built to spot threats. Once useful, this can now harm well-being. It leads to rumination or a sense of being stuck in negativity. We focus on negative experiences, making judgments harsher. Bias colours reactions. Gently shifting the focus away from negative thoughts supports maintaining equanimity. Practicing “mental fasting”—limiting focus on negativity—can help. Instead of feeding judgment, notice thoughts and let them pass. In mindfulness, feel, accept, and move on without clinging.
To make “mental fasting” part of daily life, try this: practice the S.T.O.P. exercise for one to three minutes each day. Pause, with your eyes open or shut, and breathe deeply, noticing your thoughts. If a negative thought arises, observe it, then focus on your breath or your feet. Feel, accept, and move on. This short, regular exercise can help your mind let go of unsupportive judgments and bring calm.
Trauma also relates to negative bias. When unresolved, it shapes perception. Signs include hyper-vigilance, feeling unnerved and triggered in neutral situations, over-reacting to criticism, or anticipating negative outcomes. It can confuse your sense of real vs. imagined threats. After stress, even neutral feedback or routine noise can seem threatening. The body and mind react, which can reinforce a sense of threat.
If you recognize these signs, start by simply acknowledging your feelings and reminding yourself that your reactions are valid. These responses are common and a biological way for your system to seek protection. Many people experience them, and there is nothing wrong or shameful about it. Knowing you aren’t alone can reduce isolation and self-judgment. You might pause, take slow breaths, or place a hand on your heart to signal safety.
Remember that many types of experiences, both large and small, can have a sustained effect, and everyone’s responses are unique. Identifying the common nature of these responses can be an important step toward greater self-acceptance and healing.
If you find that investigating these topics brings up distressing feelings, please know that you are not alone. It can be helpful to seek out professionals, such as trauma-informed therapists or counsellors, who are trained to support you. Moving forward, there are also trauma-sensitive mindfulness supports and groups that offer practices designed to support safety and healing. You might look into organizations such as the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute, Mindful Schools, or the Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness approach developed by David Treleaven. Many meditation centers now offer trauma-informed sessions, and resources like the Mindful Self-Compassion program and the Insight Timer app can provide easy-to-access support. Reflect on reaching out for additional help, and honour your own pace as you engage with these practices.
Here are some ways to notice and work with negativity bias as it arises. When you notice judgment arising from a place of old hurt or trauma, try to meet yourself with extra kindness. Gently acknowledge, “I am aware that this is a tender place. I am noticing that I feel unsafe or threatened right now.” Placing a warm hand on your heart or taking a slow, deep, conscious breath can help signal safety to your nervous system. You can softly remind yourself, “This feeling is valid and deserves compassion,” or “Right now, I am safe.” “I am here for you.” Brief moments of loving kindness and compassion like these can be positive supports as you learn to respond to judgment with self-compassion, especially in moments when the past feels present. You might keep your eyes open and try grounding exercises, such as deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and feeling the sensation of your feet on the floor and the feeling of being supported.
May you be kind to yourself
May you cultivate inner peace
May you accept yourself as you are_/\_ Mamaji